


You're Not Supposed To Care

by Qpenguin98



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, Kissing, Lots of that, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sex Talk, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Trans Character, i guess, i guess I mean, im sorry for these tags honestly, shiro is such a dad, theres a lot that happens??, this is actually more serious than i making look, trans keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the time, Keith had thought it was a stellar idea. Make out with the guy you like, no one suspects a thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Not Supposed To Care

Keith thought he was pretty good about guarding important feelings. Sure he’d get hotheaded and blow up at little things, even he’d admit that, but emotions? Under lock and key.

Which is why it was a completely _stupid_ idea to even give Pidge’s sarcastic suggestion a passing thought.

“You guys should relieve some of your sexual tension. Maybe you’d stop fighting all the time.”

Lance had gone red faced and Keith had frozen.

At the time, Keith had thought it was a stellar idea. Make out with the guy you like, no one suspects a thing.

And here he is, trying not to show exactly what kissing Lance feels like on a bed that isn’t his. It’s hot and close and good in a way he didn’t think he’d ever get to experience.

And he is so totally completely fucked because he could live with feelings before this, he could shove them down and only think about them when he’s completely alone in the dead dark of night. And now, _now,_ they’re staring him right in his face.

“Fuck,” he breathes out between kisses

Lance looks at him with hooded eyes. “What?”

“I said you’re kind of fucking bad at this.”

He snorts. “You’re not much better.”

“But I am better. You admit it?”

“I guess,” Lance mutters as he realizes what he’s said.

“So…” Keith starts, unsure of where to go with this.

“Wanna try this again?” He seems unreasonably confident in his words and Keith’s stomach flips.

“Yeah,” he says. “Sounds good.”

\---

They set up rules later.

Lance actually scoffs when Keith brings up the whole idea of no feelings.

“Well obviously? Why would anyone let feelings into something where two people clearly don’t have them?”

“Obviously,” Keith parrots back.

Another rule is telling no one. Especially not Pidge.

Anyone but Pidge.

“They’d definitely get gloaty about it and end up telling someone and we definitely don’t need that.”

“Agreed.”

“But hey, they were right! We’re actually agreeing on something for once!”

Keith tries not to stare at how bright Lance’s eyes are when he says that, and oh god oh no this was such a huge mistake.

“You alright there, buddy?”

“Peachy. Now, I’m gonna leave your room before Pidge figures out they were right.”

“Sounds good to me, mullet boy!”

Keith leaves, wondering why he ever agreed to this in the first place.

(He knows why, he knows exactly why.)

The training room welcomes him with open arms.

\---

Lance’s hands fist in Keith’s hair as he practically shoves his tongue down his throat and why? Does that feel so good?

He, in turn, grabs at the bottom off Lance’s shirt for some sort of grip, and Lance pulls back. He waggles his eyebrows.

“Oh? You think you can handle all this?” He motions down his torso and just, fucking, _rolls his body_.

“What, why did that just happen?”

Lance just looks downright offended. “It’s a body roll? Are you that blocked off from culture that you don’t know what a body roll is?”

“I know what a body roll is, dumbass. I’m just wondering why?”

“Because! It’s like, insinuating you can’t handle looking at my gorgeous body. Which, if we’re being real, you probably can’t.”

“Just take off your fucking shirt.”

“As you wish.”

Lance pulls off his shirt in the most seductive manner imaginable, which is to say he gets it stuck around his head. But Keith’s not focusing on that. He’s trying to wrap his head around the fact that Lance is actually toned.

“Lance, what the fuck?”

“Okay, I know getting my head stuck in my shirt isn’t the slickest thing I’ve ever done, but you don’t have to be mean about it.”

“No I just, do you go sneak off and train when no one’s looking?”

Lance actually stoops struggling with his shirt after that, pausing before laughing. And _oh._ Keith’s throat seizes up and he almost misses what Lance says.

“Hell no I don’t go and train, have you met me? I did a lot of swimming back on Earth. Mostly at home though. The ocean is a great mentor.”

Lance finally get his shirt off and he leans in close. Keith’s breath hitches.

“But guess what?”

“What,” Keith says somewhat breathlessly.

“I was right!” he almost screams and Keith jerks his head back.

“You couldn’t handle looking at my gorgeous body, I totally called it!”

“Oh my god shut up.” And Keith leans forward and kisses his mouth closed and Lance huffs a smile and kisses back into it.

Lance is going to be the death of him, he can tell.

\---

Before Voltron, and before the Kerberos mission, Shiro was a sort of idol for Keith. He saw exacty what he wanted to be, and also a real person all at the same time.

He introduced himself with shaking fingers and just a hint of his nerves in his voice. Shiro had looked him up and down and smiled, hand outstretched and Keith took it.

They talked, and eventually, Shiro became less of an idol and more of a mentor.

He was the closest thing to a parental figure Keith had.

It was a year before Keith had the courage to knock quietly on his door and wait.

“Can I… talk to you?” he says when Shiro opens the door.

Shiro sits on his bed and Keith leans against the wall nearest the door, eyes downcast.

“Is everything alright?”

He looks up ready to speak, but his words die in his throat when he sees Shiro’s face.

He can’t disappoint him, he can’t be alone again.

He bites his lip and averts his eyes again, tapping his fingers against his arm.

“Keith, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Collect yourself, he tells himself. Don’t babble, if you babble you’ll say the wrong thing and then everything will be over and you’ll just be a lonely kid again don’t-

 A notepad in front of his face startles him.

“Write it down?”

Keith accepts the paper and pen gratefully and Shiro gives him space again, sitting on his bed and waiting patiently.

It’s a lot of just clicking the pen for a minute before he actually starts writing. And even then there’s a lot of scribbled out words and over written spaces on the page when he’s done. He hands it to Shiro silently, keeping the pen in his hands to fiddle with.

He goes back to leaning, this time on the doorframe, ready to leave at a moment’s notice.

The pen clicks and spins in his fingers, waiting as he watches Shiro read. His expression is artfully neutral, and Keith is getting antsy trying to see what he’s feeling.

When Shiro looks up, Keith starts clicking the pen again, gnawing at his lip so hard he tastes blood. Shiro stands and Keith has never before noticed exactly how tall he is.

He swallows hard and closes his eyes.

He does not expect the hug he gets, and he jumps a little.

“I… what?”

“I’m glad you told me, Keith.”

He sucks in a breath and hugs him back.

\---

This thing with Lance is getting out of hand.

Or too in hand.

Because Lance think’s that it’s way too one-sided and keeps trying to pull up Keith’s shirt and trying to give him what Keith’s giving Lance.

And he would honestly love nothing more to agree and pull off his shirt and his pants and just live normally but.

But.

He keeps telling Lance that it’s fine, he doesn’t need this, honestly he’s just not ready for that, and it’s not entirely wrong.

He’s just worried. How shocked and disgusted would he be?

They’re not even dating, Lance doesn’t even harbor any feelings for him so why does it matter so much?

The way Lance grips at his hair, and whispers muffled curses in hot breath, and sometimes, very rarely, lets Keith’s name slip from his lips is just pushing Keith farther and farther into dangerous territory.

He’s going to slip up one of this days and let loose too many secrets.

He doesn’t know what to do.

He knocks on Shiro’s door.

“Can I talk to you?” he mirrors from last time, less nerves in his voice.

Shiro sits again, on the bed, in a corner, an opening if Keith wants to sit down. He leans on the wall instead.

He thinks through his words this time, knows what he’s going to say, he’ll explain the situation calmly and level headed.

“Lance and I aren’t dating,” he blurts out instead, and honestly what the fuck.

Shiro looks confused. “O… kay?”

“Shit, no, that’s not what I meant hold on.”

Shiro waits patiently, yet again.

“We aren’t dating but, I, I think I want to? Definitely want to. And we’re not dating but I’m, he’s, fuck Shiro I don’t know!”

Shiro’s sitting up completely straight. “What exactly are the two of you doing?”

“Nothing. I’m doing stuff to him and he’s not doing anything to me. I haven’t… told him yet and I don’t know what to do.”

Keith covers his face with his hands, cheeks burning. This is the most embarrassing thing he’s ever brought up with anyone, and he still doesn’t know what to do.

Shiro gets up and stands next to Keith, arm around his shoulder.

“This is a mess, I am a giant mess.”

“Just a little.”

Keith laughs and drops his head.

“You know you don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to, right?”

“I know, but I want to. It feels like I’m lying to him. And if I’m gonna have my hand down his pants I need to be honest.”

Shiro stifles a laugh. “Well with that logic you might as well tell him you like him.”

“Shiro,” he hisses in betrayal. “I can’t just do that. What if he-”

“Don’t live your life on other people’s what if’s, Keith.”

Keith doesn’t feel any less anxious about the prospect, but he’s at least grateful that someone knows.

“And,” Shiro adds on. “As I’ve been lovingly dubbed ‘Space Dad,’ by Lance, I feel like it’s my duty to say be safe.”

Keith looks up at him in confusion for a second before the realization dawns on him. He blanches.

“Shiro don’t.”

“STDs still exist in space, Keith, and I’m sure you don’t want to find out what the alien ones are like.”

“I’m not gonna listen to this don’t even speak to me I cannot believe you.”

He covers his ears and walks out as Shiro continues on his safe space sex rant.

\---

He sits in his room, contemplating the pros and cons, because if he says one thing, he has to say both. He paces, hands wringing together as he debates.

And debates.

There’s so many things that could happen and all he wants is for Lance to maybe understand him a little.

But what if he doesn’t? What if he’s disgusted? What if he never wants to see his face again. What if-

He’s so worked up over it that he doesn’t realize he already started the walk to his room.

He knocks and Lance opens the door, signature smirk disappearing when he sees Keith’s face.

“Are you okay?”

Keith blinks a few time. “What? Yeah, I’m alright, I’m just, here.”

He walks inside, hands back to twisting between each other.

He wants to speak, tell him everything, anything Lance wants to know.

Instead, he takes Lances face in his hands and kisses him.

Lance isn’t reacting, oh god he’s done something, he’s figured it out, he-”

He pulls back and takes Keith’s face in his own hands. “Not now. Now I want to know what’s wrong? You’re not you right now. What is it?”

Keith is frozen looking into Lance’s eyes Lance runs a thumb over his cheekbone, trying to get him to react. It just feels comforting.

“You’re not… you’re not supposed to care.”

His voice cracks on the last word and Lance flinches.

“What? What do you mean I’m not supposed to care?”

“We’re not supposed to have feelings for each other. You’re not supposed to care.”

Tears track down his face and every other word is breaking at this point. This isn’t how he wanted to tell him.

“Oh my god, you big idiot, come here.” Lance pulls him into a hug, and Keith returns it, gasping into his shirt.

“Shhhh, you’re okay. It’s okay, Keith.” His voice is soft and assuring, fingers running through his hair.

Lance sits them both down on the bed, fingers still running through his hair.

“Is that what you’ve been so anxious about lately?”

“What?” Keith’s resting his head on Lance’ shoulder.

“You’ve been jumpier recently and I didn’t know what it was. Was it this?”

“Yes and no.”

“We’re getting somewhere, though.”

He nods, twisting one of his hands with Lance’s. Lance sighs.

“Of course I’ve got feelings for you. How could that not happen out of this? Not that they weren’t there before, this just amplified them. But hey at least it worked out!”

Keith smiles a little, squeezing his hand.

“Is that why you won’t let me reciprocate anything?”

“No that’s… different. That’s something different.”

He tightens his grip, and Lance gets the message.

“If you don’t want to tell me, you-”

“No but I do. It’s important because you need to know.”

“Alright,” Lance says quietly. “Tell me?”

“I’m…” Keith starts. He breathes, remembers Shiro’s words. “I’m trans. Still Keith. Definitely still Keith, just, wasn’t always.”

Lance hums in response, and then turns to look at him. “Still Keith though, right?”

“Yeah,” he says, a little breathlessly, to be honest. He was expecting something bigger than this, more of a reaction.

“Then this is still okay?”

He leans over to kiss him, and Keith nods.

The liplock is softer than their others, Keith’s still holding his hand, and it’s calming all the panic still laying in the back of his mind. Lance’s other hand rests on his cheek again, and oh god he’s so fucking smitten.

He doesn’t try to get up under his shirt again, and Keith is thankful. Soft, soft, soft, that’s all he feels and he hums happily into the kiss.

Lance breaks it first, and looks him in the eyes very seriously.

“Thanks for telling me. Really, I didn’t know I was-”

“Exactly. You didn’t know. So don’t feel bad for anything.”

“Well, I mean I guess when you put it like that it makes sense, but…”

“No buts. No feeling bad about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

\---

Later, when they’re sitting together in the common room, Shiro slips something in Lance’s shirt pocket. Keith knows what it is immediately.

“Shiro,” he says darkly.

Shiro just mouths back a ‘be safe’ as Lance pulls the condom out of his front pocket.

His screech can be heard throughout the castle.

**Author's Note:**

> its 5 am  
> hoo boi i cant believe i finished that tonoight oh man  
> hi nomemi  
> tell me about typos because i bet theres LOTS boio


End file.
